My research on Single moms is still a work in progress and I’m open to suggestions. However the suggestions below have worked for a couple of people I’ve advised and interviewed in the course of my short life.
The perception of people about a single mom is usually not a very exciting one, especially for the African woman. In the African culture, a woman who goes ahead to get pregnant or bear a child out of wedlock whether by mistake or deliberately is seen as a wasted child, a disgrace to the gods, her parents and to society. The single mom has been looked down on and disdained just because there is actually no father figure who should summarily be a husband. I am not saying we should be immoral and live recklessly, I am saying nobody is perfect and since the deed is done shall we all move on to the “solution”.
What I’m saying is “What next”? It’s heart breaking to watch folks wear the perfectionist garment or tattoo religion and morality on their bodies while they make others crave death and suffer depression and rejection only because they have displayed imperfection. Some people have relegated to calling children born and brought up by single moms as bastards and illegitimate children.
From my research 90 percent of single moms did not plan to have children when they did, while 5 percent actually decided to ply the road of soliciting to get pregnant by a man or visiting the sperm bank for whatever reason best known to them. From my knowledge of a couple of single moms, I am inclined to see things from their perceptive and profer solutions to a better living experience for them. Hence I thought to share a few helpful tips on surviving as a single mom. You should know that the odds are not against you as you might think.
1. Accept your status: Your circumstance now isn’t as bad as they’ve made you believe. The truth is you have the opportunity to experience something as amazing as bringing a child into this world. Our world right now is full of uncertainty, since every day we hear a different story from the one told yesterday. However it is will be an interesting one for your bundle of joy. The joy of being a parent is incredible, you should embrace it and be thankful for it. A lot of women wish they had a child of their own, though married and living large. God has blessed you with a beautiful child irrespective of the circumstance; be thankful.
2. Chase your dream: Your current circumstance shouldn’t be the current state of your dream. For most people their dreams have become redundant due to distractions. This shouldn’t be your case. Your dream for life can still be accomplished, if only you can get off the ground, put on your super sexy shoes, and walk the work into your dreams. You must remember being a single mom, doesn’t change God’s plan for you.
3. Set your goals: Goals help you realize your dream faster. Write them down, make them SMART. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day, so be patient and persistent.
3. Change your lifestyle: With the responsibility of being a single mom, comes greater accountability and duty to your child first and then to you, before the world. At this point , old habits of smoking, drinking, promiscuity , deceptive living have to be done away with. You have become a role model; the first teacher and god of your child or children. If you will be ashamed of an uncultured and unruly child, then you must be a moral example to your child.
4. Get back into dating world: Getting back into dating life, isn’t that difficult to do. However bear in mind not to make the same mistake as before. Keep it simple and platonic. Don’t rush into any thing yet.
5. Engage in positive associations: Associate with people who make you better, and who are not quick to judge or condemn you? Don’t be shy to ask for help or advice along the way. I advise people not to underestimate the power of networking. Keep good contacts close, stay in touch.
6. Be productive: Seek for activities that add value to both your self and others. You can choose to work( regardless of the pay), find a place to volunteer, become a worker in church, or join a healthy social group. The idea is to do whatever you find interesting. Be sure its positive impact. Your potential to survive in the midst of the discrimination, segregation, abuse, and insults is dependent on your ability move on and up against the odds.
The world is full of single moms who have become famous, successful in their careers and life as a whole. You too can survive and be successful even in this circumstance.